I know the first answer is going to be "Go to the hospital." but before you say that, I've tried going to the hospital many times in the past. The receptionist starts filling out my info - asks what type of insurance I have - I tell her I don't have and can't get any. (the links tells you why in more detail, I posted about this before.) As soon as they hear that, they stop filling out my forms and tell me to leave, saying they are not allowed to treat any one without medical insurance. :( :( :( I have not seen a doctor since I was 17 years old. The moment I turned 18, I was too old for insurance and was never eligible to get any from anywhere.
That said, I don't know exactly what is wrong. I've never really had anything like this happen before, so I don't know what is wrong or what to do about it. If you read my last post, you'll know more about the events of this morning which, I'm assuming led up to this, and I'm also assuming that what is wrong is directly caused by an inordinate amount of stress, the past few years, which has been building up for the past few months.
First off, my stomach (belly? gut? intestine? that basic area) feels like a giant wearing cleats is jumping on me. Lots of stabbing sharp pains in lots pf places, but all in the same basic area. They really, really hurt, really, really, bad. It's like menstrual cramps only lots of them and magnified 100 times more painful. I can not stand up, I can barely sit up long enough to type this. My lower back is also aching, which I think may be a side effect of these stabbing pains.
Secondly, as mentioned in my last post - my heart is racing - it feels like it is just going faster and faster and faster - like someone put it into overdrive and it is stuck there and can't slow down, it can only beat faster. It feels like my heart has multiplied and there are now hundreds of tiny hearts all over me - in my lungs, my head, my ears, my neck, my arms - I guess that must be a throbbing caused by my blood trying to speed up fast enough to match my heart rate? That's the only thing I can thinks of that it must be.
My lungs feel, i don't know - weird - it's really hard to breath, like someone reached in and is squeezing them so I can't breath. I don't know how else to describe it.
My head is pounding - it feels like there are sledge hammers all around me - pounding me from all sides. It hurts an awful lot. I've never had a headache that felt like this before. It's a very scary feeling.
I am very, very, very, very dizzy - my head feels like a balloon, like it's not there - like it filled with helium and floated away - a very light headed feeling - I do not think I could stand up or walk right now with out falling over. This seems to be spreading - my arms feel like they are going numb, making it hard for me to type this. It's a very weird and scary sensation, because it is like I am losing control over my body.
I don't know what to do. I know I should go to the hospital, but I can't because I don't have insurance. I don't have a doctor I can call either, because of the same reason. Please help. If any one knows what I can do to stop this pian, please let me know. Thank you.
I must have passed out - I don't remember falling asleep. :( Just woke up and I'm wicked dizzy - but I don't hurt as much as I did last night. That was about 4 AM and it's now 9:30 AM. Just looked in the mirror - all my color is gone - I'm whiter than white. Not sure what caused that????? I've got a weird chill now - my whole body feels like I'm burning up (I must have a really high fever or something) but I'm freezing cold at the same time - I can't stop shivering. My right side hurts - like my right ovary is throbbing - in that area - do ovaries throb? I'm not good with biology - I don't know what else is in that area.
I'm so dizzy right now - everything is like it's all spinning around me. I walked to the bathroom and back, but I felt top heavy, like I was gonna fall over - had to hold on to the wall to walk. My head is throbbing and my eyes hurt - everything is blurry, more so than usual - that's not good, I'm also blind as it is - I can barely see 8 inches in front of me on a good day. :( I feel really strange - like I'm not attached to my body, or something, I don't know how else to describe it, it's just a really weird sensation. I think I need to lay down. I can't stop shivering - I'm going to go make a hot-water-bottle and than go to bed.
It's times like this, I wish I had a husband to take care of me. I really hate being alone. Even if I just had a friend I could talk to, would be nice. Church members and their superstitious crazed hysterics saw to that. Twenty years of being shunned. It makes life really hard when no one will look at you let alone talk to you. :( In a few weeks it should have been my 7th anniversary. Church leaders put a stop to the wedding. November is a really bad month for me - most every death in my life happened in November. The wedding that got canceled was supposed to be in November. Maybe that's why I throw myself into NaNoWriMo with such a driving force each November since the year after the wedding was canceled - to try to forget. :(
Find Out More About My 2008 NaNoWriMo Book Which the LDS/Mormon Church is up in arms about. (NOTE - this link goes to the unedited proof of the book and not to the actual listing.)
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