The following article was written on March 8, 2004 and is copied from my book “My Grimoir: EelKat’s Views on Witchcraft”
Are You a Witch?
This is a test of how well you will be able to adjust to the life style of a Witch. A test to see if you have what it takes to become a Witch. Below is a list of 150 statements that any good Witch should be able to say about themselves. Next to each statement is a space to make a check mark. Carefully read each statement and think about what it says and what it means. If after much thought you decide that you can truly and honestly say this out loud about yourself, than place a check mark next to it and move on. If for some reason you feel that the statement does not apply to you and your life at this time in your life, than skip it and move on. Now take your test. You will find instruction on graded your test at the end of it.
_____ I pray every day.
_____ I am very religious.
_____ I can remain strong in my beliefs even if it means losing all of my friends.
_____ I believe that we were created by a Supreme Being that we did not “just happen”.
_____ I believe that abortion is murder
_____ I always seek for spiritual/divine inspiration and guidance.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a religious leader (priest, pastor, monk, nun, preacher, etc.).
_____ I do not tell people that their religion is “wrong”,”evil”, or “of Satan” or that “they will go to hell” if they don’t give up their religion to join mine.
_____ I do not tell other people that my religion is “the one true religion” or that “my way is the only way”.
_____ I am respectful of other’s religious beliefs.
_____ I own a Rosary or string of Prayer Beads.
_____ I am a holy person.
_____ I have a positive outlook on life.
_____ I have very high moral and ethical standards.
_____ I can get along with people of all races.
_____ I believe in life after death
_____ I attended the funeral of a close friend or relative.
____ There has been a death in my immediate family, close friend, or a pet that affected me greatly.
_____ I have helped dig a grave for someone I loved (this can include pets).
_____ I have touched/held a dead body (this can include pets).
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a funeral home director.
_____Sometimes I think that I might like to become a mortician.
_____ I am able to provide comfort to the grieving.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a guidance counselor.
_____ I have studied some psychiatric medical science and am able to diagnose many “simple” ailments as well as correctly prescribe a method of cure (counsel, therapy, herbs, massage, over the counter medicine, homeopathy, ect.).
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a psychiatrist.
_____ I am caring and compassionate.
_____ I have a deep since of integrity.
_____ I obey the laws of the land–(including such “minor” overlooked things as not speeding and not talking back).
_____ I like to always be on time–I try to never be late.
_____ I can remain focused.
_____ I try to love everyone as though they were my brothers and sisters-even my enemies.
_____ I am very enthusiastic.
_____ I can fast from food for 3 days (72 hours)–NOTE: this does not apply to those with a medical condition, such as diabetes, that does not allow them to fast from food.
_____ I believe that a career that I enjoy and am happy with is more important than a career that brings in a lot of money.
_____ I am good at theoretical analysis and logical problem solving.
_____ I am intuitive.
_____ I can understand complex and difficult subjects.
_____ I love challenges.
_____ I try to turn every thing in life into a learning opportunity.
_____ I have a very good memory.
_____ I visit the library at least twice a month.
_____ I like to do a lot of research and book learning.
_____ I love to read lots of books.
_____ I am self-motivated.
_____ I like/liked school.
_____ Science is/was one of my favorite subjects.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a schoolteacher.
_____ I put a lot of effort into my education.
_____ I believe that studying my textbooks is more important than socializing with friends.
_____ I believe that no matter how well I do, there is always room for improvement.
_____ I strive to expand my intelligence as much as I can.
_____ I can commit myself to many years of self-schooling and difficult training.
_____ I like working with people.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a doctor.
_____ I have studied some medical science, and am able to diagnose many “simple” aliments as well as correctly prescribe a method of cure (herbs, massage, over the counter medicine, homeopathy, ect.).
_____ I like/liked Biology class.
_____ I enjoy volunteer work.
_____ I want to heal the sick.
_____ I want to ease the needs of others.
_____ I want to feed the hungry.
_____ I want to shelter the homeless.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to start a homeless/food/animal shelter.
_____ I like working with animals.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a veterinarian.
_____ I like helping sick animals, get well.
_____ I can complete a complex 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle in an hour or two. (Not a requirement of Witchcraft, but it shows that you are a patiant, fast working, and a dedicated problem solver, with a good eye for finding the solution to tough problems)
_____ I am good at solving problems (in math, riddles, or your daily life).
_____ I use ingenuity and the ability to improvise to solve difficult problems.
_____ I give money/food/clothing/blankets to the homeless people that I see on the streets in my local area.
_____ I give money/toys/food to charity organizations.
_____ I am persistent-I never give in or give up.
_____ I enjoy helping people.
_____ I feel that I am responsible for making my community a better place.
_____ I am deeply emotional.
_____ I am very patient.
_____ I am honest–I would never tell even the slightest hint of a tiny white lie.
_____ I am willing to change my habits for the better.
_____ I am courteous and kind.
_____ I feel that I have a lot to offer to the world.
_____ I like gazing at the stars.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become an astronomer.
_____ I can identify some of the stars, constalations, and planets in the night sky.
_____ I can correctly identify most crystals and gemstones.
_____ I like to walk to places, rather than use a car.
_____ I love all outdoor activities-from sunning on the beach to hiking on snowcapped mountains and everything in between.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become an environmentalist.
_____ I never pass a dead or injured animal (wild or domestic) in the road, without stopping to help them, bless them, get them to a vet, bury them, and/or find their owner.
_____ I like working with plants.
_____ I have a garden-or at least a few houseplants.
_____Sometimes I think that I might like to become a herb/flower/vegetable grower/farmer.
_____ I know basic outdoor survival skills.
_____ I could live without electricity if I had to.
_____ I can correctly identify both edible and poisonous plants.
_____ I can correctly identify most wild plants, know how to harvest them, and know many of their medicinal uses.
_____ I know which vitamins, who should take and when they should take them.
_____ I know how to use and prescribe homeopathy pills.
_____ Sometimes think that I might like to become a pharmacist.
_____ I am dedicated.
_____ I can get up and get going without being told to–I don‘t even own an alarm clock.
_____ I strive not to be vain or prideful.
_____ I do not seek to “keep up with the Jones”.
_____ I do not buy things just because someone else has one.
_____I do not seek after wealth and great riches.
_____ I do not require instant gratification.
_____ I am confident that I can do or be anything that I choose.
_____I am determined, even in the face of opposition.
_____ I can give up modern life and city habits–I can give up material things such as a car, a TV, or electricity because I do not need them.
_____ I enjoy creative and intellectual challenges.
_____ I can look forward and “see” possibilities that don’t exist at this time.
_____ When I make a commitment, I always see it through.
_____ I have set goals and succeeded.
_____ I am able to change my goals when new information becomes available.
_____ I do not see time as an infinite or renewable resource–every second that goes by is gone forever and can never be replaced–therefore I use my time wisely.
_____ I can work well alone, without the help of others.
_____ I am able to make personal sacrifices.
_____ I can handle criticism.
_____ I can handle failure.
_____ I do not have a bad temper-I can control my anger.
_____ I love to laugh.
_____ I eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains.
_____ I am a vegetarian.
_____ I live a healthy lifestyle.
_____ I can handle stress.
_____ I like Yoga.
_____ I love classical music and/or opera-I don’t need rock music anymore.
_____ I like to meditate.
_____ I am able to relax–stress is not a problem in my life.
_____ I can do without a bed, sleeping on the floor is fine.
_____ I can do without table and chairs; I can eat while sitting on the floor.
_____ I can live without a driver’s license or a car.
_____ I would rather make my own things, instead of using store bought ones.
_____ I make most items myself, and try to do without things I don’t really need.
_____ I own and know how to use a sewing machine (or I sew by hand).
_____ I sew my own home furnishings.
_____ Sometimes I think that I might like to become a seamstress/tailor.
_____ I like to sew my own clothes.
_____ I like to wear capes, cloaks, and robes.
_____ I like to wear ankle length dresses and long skirts. (Long, loose, unresticting, unadorned clothing is preferred by most Witches–both men and women–as it frees the body and mind of pressure, stress, vanity, and pride and allows free, fluid movement unhampered by pants and tight sleeves)
_____ I can go out in public without any makeup on at all. (Many Witches feel that wearing makeup is a thing of vanity and pride and protest against pride and vanity by throwing away their cosmetics-this is not a requirement of Witchcraft, but many Witches-both male and female-feel so liberated and free once they throw away their face paints and live just as natural as the Creator intended them to be)
_____ I can go out in public without any jewelry on at all. (Many Witches feel that jewelry is a thing of vanity and pride and protest against pride and vanity by throwing away their jewelry-this is not a requirement of Witchcraft, but many Witches-both male and female-feel so liberated and free once they live unadorned and just as natural as the Creator intended them to be) _____. I can go out in public without shaving for two months or more.
(Many Witches feel that shaving legs, face, underarms, and other places is a thing of vanity and pride and protest against pride and vanity by throwing away their razors-this is not a requirement of Witchcraft, but many Witches-both male and female-feel so liberated and free once they throw away their razors and live just as natural as the Creator intended them to be)
_____ I can go a whole year without dyeing my hair, using a dryer or curler, or getting a hair cut. (Witches live naturally–both men and women–this includes their hair-which they let grow long-when Witches do dye their hair they use herbs such as hibiscus and henna–if you see a “Witch” with their hair dyed black, chances are they are not Witches.)
_____If I am not married, I am a virgin.
_____If I am married, I have never cheated on my spouse.
_____If I am widowed/divorced, I do not seek another, and live in celibacy.
_____ I can live my entire life without sex.
_____ I do not smoke.
_____ I do not drink alcoholic drinks.
_____ I do not use drugs (including tobacco).
_____ I own a sword.
Now that you have completed your test, go back and count how many statement you have checked off. Take the total you have and find your score on the chart below. After each score is a corresponding grade. Take the grade letter that corresponds with you’re total and find out how qualified you are to become a Witch.
After reading your answer think about how important it is to you to become a Witch, ask yourself why you want to be a Witch, and than go back and read all of the statements that you checked off. How does each of these statements apply to you in your life? Why did you check them off?
Now go back to the test again, this time read only those statements that you did not check off. Why didn’t you mark them? Can you still be a good Witch without having those things in your life? How can you change your habits to include more of these things in your life? Do you really want to change your whole life around like that? Are you sure you are that dedicated to becoming a Witch? Or are you just going through a phase that will pass by in a year or two or even sooner? Do you truly want to make such dramatic changes in your life? Are you willing to put your hands to the plow and never look back? Will you be able to stand strong when friends and family come down around you and turn their backs on you because they think you’ve lost your mind? These are things that you really want to consider very seriously before you decide wither or not you really want to be a Witch.
145-150 = A+
99-124 = B
75-98 = C
50-74 = D
1-49 = F
A+.) Wow! Maybe you should write a book about Witchcraft. You harm no one, you love nature, and death doesn’t frighten you. You have no trouble living in the woods with absolutely nothing, just living off the land. You most certainly have a Witch hiding somewhere inside of you-find him/her and set ‘em free. You are already a Witch at heart wither you realize it or not, you may be a little rusty and need a little practice on some things, but you really aren’t going to need much help-if you need any at all. You have soared far above the average, and should really consider seeking to start a professional practice of your own. With your talent you can certainly take your pick of just about any career in Witchcraft. If you aren’t one already you might want to look into becoming a Hougan, Mambo, High Preist/ess, Monk, Nun, or a Witch Doctor. You should most certainly be able to do one of these high-ranking jobs. You are by far ready for them.
A.) You are already a Witch at heart wither you realize it or not, you may be a little rusty and need a little practice on some things, but you really aren’t going to need much help. You have soared above the average, and should really consider seeking to start a professional practice. You may even make an excellent candidate for becoming a Houngan, Mambo, High Priest, Monk, Nun, or Priestess and you may also want to consider such other high-ranking jobs as a Witch Doctor, Priest, Priestess, Shaman, or Magician Man/Woman. You can choose from almost any career in Witchcraft–however if you are weak hearted around the dead, you will want to avoid the following jobs: Hogan, Mambo, High Priest, High Priestess, Al Keem, Borka, or Witch Doctor.
B.) You are well on your way to becoming an excellent Witch, and could certainly start practicing now; there’s a few things that you need to brush up on, but basically you have an above average chance at making Witchcraft your lifelong career if you work hard at it. With a a bit of extra effort you may make a good candidate for becoming a Priest or Priestess over time, but this type of Witchcraft is probably not really to your likeing, and may want to consider such jobs as a Shaman, or Magician Man/Woman instead. Becoming a Witch Doctor, Hogan, Mambo, Monk, Nun, High Prehistory High Priestess will probably not be in your reach though, and you should focus your career towards the less demanding jobs in Witchcraft–if you are weak hearted around the dead, you will want to avoid the following jobs: Hougan, Mambo, High Priest, High Priestess, Al Keem, Borka, or Witch Doctor
C.) While you do have the potential to become a Witch, but you still have a very long ways to go before you will even be able to think about qualifying to become a Priest or Priestess, and it is unlikely that you will ever become a High Priest, High Priestess, Monk, Nun, Hougan, Mambo, or Witch Doctor. You should stick with the more “common” jobs of Witchcraft-herbalism, astrology, fortune telling, community service, etc.–if you are weak hearted or squeamish around the sick, the dieing, or dead bodies, you will want to avoid the following jobs: Hougan, Mambo, High Priest, High Priestess, Al-Keem, Borka, Witch Doctor, Priest, Priestess, Shaman, Monk, Nun, or Medicine Man/Woman.
D.) While it is possible for you to become a Witch at some distant time in your life (though much training, hard work, and personal effort will be required on your part) you really don’t have what it takes to practice Witchcraft at this time in your life. While you could strive for a career in Witchcraft if you really worked at it really hard, I don’t think that you will ever truly be happy being a Witch Are you sure you know what a Witch is–maybe what you really want to be is a Wicca? You may just be looking for costumes, makeup, chat clubs, and religious rituals–if so than you should forget about Witchcraft and get a book on Wicca instead. You probably will find Witchcraft rather dull and boring, and you may be much happier with a different career; you really should rethink your options. You really need to sit down and think long and hard about why you want to become a Witch, what it is that attracted you to Witchcraft–if you looked to become a Witch based on movies, T.V., fairy tales, and fantasy role playing games, than you had better just go back to watching movies and playing games, or better yet you should consider joining the theater, because a lifelong career in Witchcraft will do nothing but disappoint you. Don’t despair-very few people who take this test, scored any higher than you did, most don’t even make it this far–just like you they didn’t really want to become a Witch either, and were just fascinated, with Wicca and fairy tales.
F.) Although anything is possible, if you really put your mind to it, and if you really, really worked really hard; it is very unlikely that you will ever become good Witch material at any point in your life. Don’t feel bad though, this doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, it simply means that Witchcraft is not your career path in life. There are thousands of other careers out there that would be just perfect for you, but Witchcraft is not one of them. You need to really sit down and think long and hard about why you want to become a Witch, what it is that attracted you to Witchcraft in the first place–if you looked to become a Witch based on movies, T.V., fairy tales, and fantasy role playing games, than you had better just go back to watching movies and playing games, because a lifelong career in Witchcraft will do nothing but sore fully disappoint you. If you want to wear costumes and makeup, maybe you should consider joining a local drama club–you may have a very good future in theater. Witchcraft requires you to be totally dedicated to it 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the rest of your life, and frankly, your heart isn’t in it. You are in good company-there are very few people who stick to Witchcraft for very long–the hours are to long, the work to grueling, and the lifestyle too demanding for the average person. Good luck looking for a job, elsewhere.
Explaining some statements in this test.
There are some statements here that most people new to Witchcraft, look at with a sense of awe and confusion. Such as “I am a holy person” or “I always seek for spiritual inspiration and guidance” or “I have very high moral and ethical standards”. When most “new” Witches think about Witchcraft they are thinking about Wicca and not Witchcraft, so they are quite taking back, when the subject of high moral standards, daily prayer, and living a very holy life is used to describe Witches. Most “new” Witches even get angry and say such things as: ” I don’t want to be morally clean, I just want to be a Witch, I don’t want to live like some saintly monk; I want to wear cool clothes and cast spells on my enemies. Why should I try to live a holy life? I ain’t no saint and you can’t make me be. I’m going to be a Witch and that’s final.” So you want to be a Witch, but you don’t want to accept the lifestyle of a Witch. Why? You just want to have fun, right? Let’s think about this. Why does it bother you that to be a Witch you must live like a saint? Are you suffering from a guilty conscience because you know that many of the things you do are morally wrong? Is that why it bothers you–that to become a Witch, you must be a morally clean, spiritual person? Are you sure that you really want to be a Witch? It sounds to me more like you want to be a Wicca or a Wiccan and not a Witch. Wiccas are known for their “freedoms”: freedom to drink, freedom to smoke, freedom of sex, freedom from marriage, freedom to use drugs, freedom to rebel, freedom to denounce God, freedom to denounce government, freedom to murder unborn babies, freedom of same sex relations–and all sorts of other immoral, unspiritual, unholy so called “freedoms” that the Wicca religion allows it’s members to commit without conscience. Unfortunately, because Wiccas and Wiccans like to falsely call themselves Witches, these same immoral acts are often thought of as being done by practitioners of Witchcraft as well. Did you know that personal sacrifice is one of the things that make a Witch a Witch–most all Witches abstain from things that the average person would consider a necessity of life. Common things that Witches abstain from include: meat, sex, luxury items such as beds or cars, electricity, television, telephones, and sometimes even talking? Did you know that most Witches live in small houses, with little or no furniture, that most sleep and eat on the floor because they gave up such luxuries as owning a bed, table, or chairs? Many Witches abstain from as much food as they can, fasting for days at a time, sometimes eating only one or two simple meals a week. Did you know that unmarried Witches (male and female) remain virgins their entire lives? That Witches view the act of sex as a distraction that interferes with their work–that many even become eunuchs, so that they will not have to be bothered by sex at all, ever? Did you know that Witches view sex as a means of creation and not a means of pleasure, and that sex is only done when a child is desired? Did you also know that Witches do not believe in public schools? When Witches have children, they raise them at home, away from the luxury laden vain influences of the schools of the world.
Before you decide to call yourself a Witch you really, need to find out if that’s really want you want to do with your life. Are you sure that you want to be a Witch? I have found that most people, especially teenagers, who say that they want to be a Witch, really want to be a Wicca. Wiccas do not believe in all of the personal monk-like sacrifices that Witches do. Wiccas often live very luxuriant lives of excess, vanity, pride, and sexual freedom, but Witches do not.
Can you give up your luxuries as other Witches have? Many people think, that this all sounds good on paper, but laugh and say that no body gives up stuff like that, so why should they; they then continue and try to say that I myself, although I preach it, wouldn’t even do this. Well, I couldn’t in good faith preach something that I don’t practice myself, now could I? What luxuries have I given up, you ask. Well now, let’s see: I grew up on a poultry farm and fried chicken was my favorite food, but eating chicken became the first luxury to go and I haven’t eaten any meat in twenty-two years, I love antique cars, can name most any model, and would like to collect and restore them, but I have no driver’s license and I have no car. I was once a “Goth-queen”, dripping in black eye shadow and lipstick, with red hair and blue nails, but I haven’t worn makeup in twelve years, haven’t shaved in three years, and have slept on the floor these past eleven years. I used to collect shoes-loved platforms, but now I have one pair of sandals that I’ve worn for four years now all year round, even during the worst of Maine’s three to six foot blizzards. I lived in spandex pants, bellbottoms, and micro mini skirts, but I stopped wearing pants twelve years ago, and haven’t worn a dress that was shorter than my ankles ever since. I was once addicted to TV-couldn’t get away from it, today I own a TV/VCR/DVD player, but the TV was used for less than ten hours in 2003, and similar amounts other years and the VCR and DVD, while used five or six hours each week, are now only used to watch “family” shows, such as “Little House on the Prairie”,”1776″,”King of Kings”, and other such shows. I was once a huge heavy metal music fan with hundreds of albums-but I gave up all but two bands in 1991,and stopped listening to the radio that same year, and I gave up rock music entirely two years ago, listening now to Liberace, Rossini, Handel, Mozart, Chopin, and others-I own a CD player and over 500 classics on 62 CD’s. I eat sitting on a pillow on the floor-and my diet is very strict: pasta and rice and fresh fruits and vegetables, many of which I grew myself-my diet also includes eggs from my hens, and some dairy products such heavy cream (but no mass produced milk), milk and ice cream from local farms, and soybean based meat substitutes from the “Seventh Day Adventist Church”, snacks include fresh fruit, dried fruit, nuts, pretzels, chips from a local potato farm, “natural” candies made without preservatives, and homemade candy from a local confectioner. I drink water, green tea, herb tea, and 100% fruit juice.
For my gardening, I hand plow my field with a spade shovel and my hens and roosters do their part digging and scratching as fast as they can, I fertilize the ground with poultry manure and raked leaves, and when insects or weeds become a problem, I turn my roosters and hens lose in the garden, and pray they don’t eat the harvest, too.
I am often asked what I do for “entertainment” well, I leave a mile from Old Orchard’s seven-mile long white sands beach. For entertainment I walk to the beach, walk the length of the beach, turn around walk back to the beginning of the beach and than walk back home with four tote bags filled with shells, beach glass, beach pebbles, and seaweed, and a camera loaded with pictures of birds. My land boarders a 26-acre section of the Ross Forest, which is loaded with wildlife, plants, and has a small brook running the length of it. Here is where I take my dog Buddy and my rooster Chup-Chup for walks. The thing that entertains me the most is sitting beside the brook on a rock in my flower garden surrounded by my tiny bantam roosters, who happily cultivate the roots of my roses. Here I can read, write, and meditate. To me this is heaven, sheer bliss, and pure joy-there is nothing that makes me happier, than breathing the fresh air and listening to the babbling brook and the songs of a hundred roosters all crowing their shrieks of joy for hours on end-I have no need for anything more.
Don’t go thinking that I live on some big isolated country homestead in the middle of nowhere. Our land is only 3/4 of an acre and has four condominiums and a nursing home just across the street, right in the middle of town. I am quite fortunate to live next door to an empty 26-acre wooded lot (the last remaining section of Ross Forest), which, has been preserved, for use by a local campground. While more land would certainly be better in the since that I could have a larger garden and hundreds more roosters, it would be almost impossible to find another place walking distance from such a beautiful beach, a wonderful forest, and have a brook too. The land may be small, but it is my peace of heaven, a perfect paradise for me and my roosters.
While my way of life is the ideal paradise for me, my town thinks otherwise. My roosters live on my land, were the zoning says they can’t, however the zoning laws were made in the 1900’s,and this land has been in my family since the 1600’s. My Native American and Scottish ancestors raised chickens on this land since the very first day they settled it all those years ago, and since that day, never has a day gone by that chickens have not lived here. In the 1800’s huge barns were built for thousands of chickens-a barn for egg hens and a barn for meat roosters; in the 1960’s the barns came down and the meat production stopped; in the 1980’s I took over the chickens, egg sale ended and the pit fighter and rare breed rescue began; but in all of those hundreds of years, not once did chickens not live here. That is what they call the “grandfather law”, as long as the original family remains on the land and raises the original kinds of animals there, the government cannot tell them not to raise the livestock. The neighbors can complain of the “horrendous noise, the vile shrieks and eerie screams” of the crowing roosters sun rise to sunset to sun rise 24 hours a day, they can complain of the “toxic stench” of the manure, but no matter how hard or how long they complain the fact is the roosters were here first, and they have been here for 400 years, and as long as my family continues to lives here and raises poultry there isn’t a thing that they can do. The town hopes and prays that we will sell out and leave to “someplace in the country”. What?! And leave this sacred beach-the sacred holy ground of my people-were thousands gather each year to be healed in its sacred waters? Never! Small though it may be, crowed though the town becomes, I love my home and the land that the Great Spirit blessed us with.
Well now, enough ramblings from me. What about you? How much are you willing to give up to walk the path of a Witch? Your bed? Your TV? Eating meat? Wearing pants and short skirts? Can you stop shaving and wearing makeup? Are there things that you can give up in your life that I haven’t mentioned? How much are you willing to leave behind on your road to becoming a Witch? Now, as you can see from my own life, giving things up is a hard sacrifice that may take several years to complete. I found that by giving up the hardest thing first, that other sacrifices come easier. For me, I love chicken; it was my favorite meal, yet I love chickens too. My best friends have always been my chickens-I had thought about giving up meat, but it didn’t stick. Than one day a man came to the house saying his wife wanted to make chicken stew and asked to buy a chicken. My dad sent him out to take his pick, and I being a poultry farmer thought nothing of it–until that night when my little pet rooster wasn’t there to meet me at the door and by that time it was to late to do anything about it. That’s when it hit me, and it hit me hard–that man had murdered and eaten my best friend. It’s like if you had a little pet cat and one day someone came along and killed it for its fur. He was my pet. More than that, he was my friend, and he was gone. I thought about it long and hard. That rooster was my best friend-and someone bought him and killed him for food. He wasn’t even kept with the other roosters; he wasn’t like the other roosters–he was my pet. And than it hit me: Why was that rooster any different from the others? Why was it wrong to kill this rooster, but okay to kill the others? He was a rooster; just like the rest of them-they were all roosters. I sat there and took a good long look at those roosters-they looked just like my pet rooster, they acted like him, and for good reason too–they were just like him. The man came back a few days later, just as he often did, and needless to say he left empty handed, and never came back again–and neither did anyone else who came looking to by meat birds. A few days later when some frozen “store bought” chicken was being served–my favorite food–something happened to me. I looked at that chicken on my plate and I couldn’t eat it. All I could think about was-this wasn’t one of my chickens from my farm, it came from some other farm, but it was still a chicken. I thought about my rooster and how this could have been his cousin or his mother or father–and I was so sick at the thought that I refused to eat. I couldn’t, I felt like I was a murderer, I felt like I was betraying that rooster who had been my friend. I haven’t touched chicken since–I can’t even see one at the store without getting sick. But at that point it was just chicken and turkey. I didn’t eat chicken and I didn’t eat turkey–I won’t eat anything that might have been related to one of my friends. So for Thanksgiving that year we had roast beef–you know the big one’s, the kind that’s got a big bone down the middle. We were all getting ready to eat and I just sat there staring at that bone. A piece of a skeleton. I don’t know where I thought meat came from but I never connected it with a living creature before that day. There it was-a bone. That could only mean one thing–that that was a dead body–only dead bodies have bones. I felt like a grave robber. There was a piece of a dead body sitting on the table!! I felt so sick I couldn’t eat. At that point I didn’t realize that beef came from cow and that that was a cow’s leg sitting on the table, all I could think was “There a dead body on the table and we’re getting ready to eat it”. I stopped eating meat “cold turkey” and never looked back. Now I won’t by any product without first reading the label and being sure that no meat contaminated it in any way. As a result of this I came to the shocking discovery that it is nearly impossible to find any prepackaged food that does not contain meat! Seemingly “vegetarian” things often have such things as Tallow, Fat, Lard, Broth, Dehydrated Chicken Powder, and By Products listed in them (including such things as crème filled chocolate sandwich cookies, jello, crackers, chocolates, candy, some” plain cheese” pizzas, and even some ice cream!!). I am very careful not to touch anything or be other contaminated by any food that contains any part of any body that was once alive being–this means that shopping take’s several hours while I read entire labels to ensure that no death has contaminated it. I believe it to be a grave sin to steal someone’s life away, just to satisfy the vain lust of eating his or her flesh.
And so that is how I came about my first sacrifice of a luxury. Not having a driver’ license or a car is perhaps the hardest one for me–the one that temps me the most–of course I never learned to drive either, so although it’s a sorrowful temptation, I couldn’t drive anyone else’s car either, because I haven’t the slightest idea how one should go about it. The one that took the longest for me to give up was heavy metal and punk music–I struggled with that one for over ten years before I succeeded–I was never without music–slept with it on at night–listened to it on headphones all day long (I never took them off!). I had rock music playing 24 hours a day. It got to the point were I couldn’t do anything, everything evolved around how long my tapes were. After a while I started to get depressed all the time, and I couldn’t understand why. I realized one day, that I had a problem, a really big problem–I was addicted to music–not just a little addiction–a big addiction–and it was controlling my entire life. One day I was feeling really blue when I noticed the words to the song I was playing–How depressing I thought. I loved the music–the screeching guitars and booming drum, but I never really listened to the words. I started listening and than it hit me–all of these songs were either very depressing and sad or mean and violent–no one was ever happy and joyful. So I made major changes–I got rid of them, most of them: Guns and Roses, Motley Crew, Warrant, etc (If it was heavy metal from the eighties, I probably had it). I left in my collection only a few namely: David Bowie, Bon Jovi, Poison, White Lion, Carman, and Alice Cooper–and today David Bowie, Carman, and Bon Jovi alone remain in my collection, because they were the only three that ever sounded happy. However, getting rid of the collection and hiding my radio, didn’t end the addiction-I was going crazy-I needed music, I felt like I was gonna die if I didn’t have music. Than one day I was watching some old Bugs Bunny cartoons (I love the Looney Toons- -especially- -that’s right, you guessed it: Foghorn Leghorn the smart mouthed rooster). I’m sitting there watching as they play reruns of Bug Bunny’s spins of opera–you know Bugs as Leopold with the guy’s singing Rossini’s “Figero’s C—-”, Bugs and Elmer fighting in the barber’s shop will “The Barber of Seville” plays in the background, and who can forget Elmer Fudd the Viking singing “Kill the Rabbit” in tune to Wagner’s “Ring of N—-Ride of the Valkers”. I was mesmerized–I remembered loving these three Bugs Bunny episodes as a kid. I remembered too, how much I used to love watching “Great Performances” on PBS back in the 1970’s,and how I loved ballet and theater. And especially the story of Peer Gyunt and the Mountain King-the story that had inspired my favorite cartoon the Smurfs, and was played throughout the background of every episode, how whenever I heard “The Mountain King” I used to go twilling and dancing free as a bird, not caring who saw me. Suddenly I realized why I had liked Heavy Metal so much-it was the loud, boisterous, booming noise–I didn’t like heavy metal, I liked classical music, heavy metal was merely a substitute for what I really truly loved–screeching violins, banging cymbals, blatting horns, happy tinkling pianos, and lots of big booming drums. Well, that was two years ago–and during that time David Bowie and Bon Jovi have had three new albums come out and I wasn’t even the least bit tempted to buy a one of them (and I used to wait in line to be the first one in the store on the first day of the release of any Bowie album-I own 57 Bowie albums alone). So, while I’m still badly addicted to music and it still plays all day and all night, I’m no longer depressed and spend my time happy and joyful now. I keep my David Bowie and Bon Jovi and Carman albums and maybe I’ll listen to them again someday, but just knowing that I have them and I’m no longer tempted to play them all day long is a reward in itself, as I realize now that I was a slave to music.
So what are you addicted to? Does it stop you from doing other things you’d like to do? Can you give it up? One of the things that Witches believe is, simplicity and freedom–freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and freedom from slavery. Now by freedom of slavery I don’t mean a bondman’s slavery with chains and whips and taskmasters-I mean slavery to vanity, slavery to addiction, slavery to wealth, slavery to power–if you are not free from these slaveries than you are no better than bondman-for you are chained to your whip wielding taskmasters just as much as he-chained to them-chained to addictions and vanities. To be a Witch you must one by one break free from the chains of luxuries and now–now granted you don’t have to give everything up all at once–some Witches do, but most give up one thing this year and another the next and keep on going. The goal is to reach perfection, to strive to become more like our Creator. A difficult task yes, but one well worth the effort. Reaching spiritual perfection is the reason behind everything that a Witch does-the strange clothing, the chants, the prayers, the spells, everything–everything is done with one goal in mind–to become like the Creator–to live in the spirit world with our Creator–to make this world as much like our spirit home was before we came here. As a Witch that is your purpose that is your goal and you must never forget it–no matter how different the practices, rituals, and spell of each Witch may be–all Witches regardless of religion–strive for the spiritual perfection that will make us at one with our Creator.
And now, you decide: Are you ready to become a Witch? Do you have what it takes? Are you willing to make great sacrifices for your faith? Will you stand firm and strong year after year? Are you a Witch?
Monday, February 26, 2007
The following article was written on March 8, 2004 and is copied from my book “My Grimoir: EelKat’s Views on Witchcraft”